how to ask out a female cashier

Its really helping me to figure out what to do (and Ive been debating this with myself for awhile now) and Im really grateful that so many people chose to respond. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. It's public enough (assuming there's people around) and therefore reasonably safe, but private enough to not be embarassing. Or even worse if I read the signs wrong and she rejects me? However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no time. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. And heres my story to support that: back in my retail days, I worked in a shop that primarily catered to women, and men coming in tended to get a bit of special attention since they were something of a rarity (and often needed a little extra help from the employees). I'll be wearing (something noticeable, such as a red hat, which hopefully you are sporting the day you visit the store). Hes at work. is this situation safe? whenever someone flirts with you. Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. She called, and shortly after she was on my couch. Its awkward. Never accept a cashiers check thats written for more than the amount you asked for. Is there a generic term for these trajectories? They are so well matched it was bashert. I always wanted to date him and ask him out, but I never got the courage until a few years ago when I found out we were both single. Not discussions on the state of dating or generalized situations. should I wear my wedding ring to an interview, client demands unlimited time, and more. If you're feeling insecure because of the people around think about how it can make her feel too, either she agrees or not it will also put some pressure on her so try to do it when there's no one around, and be prepared to leave either she agrees or not. By clicking Post Your Answer, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy. Al Haitham Genshin is an accomplished actor, producer, and media personality from India. That's borderline stalking. To clarify, I was talking about adult students, but still. Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). How to People always think theyll be the exception to this, but.ugh. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. More specifically, he did not go tracking down any of her information. Then later on phone jobs I got asked out every once in a while and used the same excuse. At some point, she told him Hey, I have this song I think you should hear but I forgot to download it onto my phone. If you decide to ignore this advice and try to ask them out, you need to understand that it's highly likely that they aren't into you. If I helped, Im glad! The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. While I've known this girl she has blocked or otherwise shut out countless guys trying the same thing and that could easily have been me as well. It was actually terrifying wondering if hed show up again. In this case, it's simple: you get rejected. He just seems interested. Though after doing some work in an environment where the employees were supposed to be *extremely* friendly I realized you have to adjust your signals to the environment or it gets real awkward. Mutual friend. You won't know where to stop and it'll turn creepy. Also, regardless of the merits of OP asking/not asking, can we PLEASE roundfile the whole but how else is the species supposed to continue fallacy, which, bluntly, gets trotted out in defense of everything from workplace harassment to stalking. Shed been going to the coffee shop for several months, and he was really friendly every time they talked, complimenting her on safe topics like her manicure, etc. I have never asked an employee out or hit on a woman working before, and for some reason I think this woman is special, even though I dont know intimate details about her life and vice versa. IMO, it is always 100% creepy to ask out a server/service employee waiting on you, period. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. should I take my Etsy business off my resume? Absolutely. Id also like to point out that for all of your talk about women having agency and being liberated, that youre not actually listening to all of the women who have posted here saying that they do not enjoy being hit on/creeped on/asked out by customers at their place of work and that they just want to do their job without feeling like a Playboy bunny. the flipside of male privilege men get to generally live their lives without an underlying fear of being rapedbut once in a while that fear comes in real handy. But we're still not clear of the problem of putting her on the spot. Stay positive and move on quickly. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! My goal here is to help you not mess up. If he calls, you know what to do. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I've never asked out someone I've had no prior knowledge of and think it would be fun. If you run into him somewhere else, that would be fine, though if you got the signals that it would be welcome. That would be fun. It is important to accept any possible rejection gracefully and stay positive. Sometimes its just part of the job. Dont put him on the spot by forcing him to balance customer service with a romantic overture its unfair to him. It has majorly given way to the You brought me my omelet and now were SOULMATES crowd, orat least in my citypeople not-so-discreetly trying to find prostitutes they used to, uh, frequent (that came out awful, but I dont know how else to put it). Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. Hmm Im on the fence here. Thats exactly how Id do it. This is why I always do coffee or something comparably simple/safe (so not dinner, movies, etc.) Please think very carefully about about out a retail employee. Thanks, I agree that being cool about it and reiterating that a refusal is fine is the way to go! That's just basic humanity. If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist Missed Encounters section, particularly the men-for-women. Every week, she would buy a bunch of corn and talk to him. That was hilarious. I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind. (And even then it might simply have been bad timing: he got in a car accident, etc)(or, sadly, he may already have a GF). Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. There's an implicit power imbalance between customer and employee. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at Well whats some do's and dont's. She said shes there to work, not to get hit on or asked out. I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. Sadly, some people prey on strangers they consider potentially vulnerable, regardless of gender. Ask about the cashiers day or tell them about something happening in the store. If you ever finish early and want to join me for a cup of coffee, let me know. Something that puts the ball in the employees court without putting pressure for them to come up with a polite on-the-spot rejection. They have been married for almost ten years and have three year old twins. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. The employee being hit on? Cashier Interview Questions and Sample Answers | Indeed.com It definitely impacts what might feel flattering versus intrusive when you come from a male context, where there isnt the automatic feeling of what do you want? But STILL. One creative way to ask out a cashier is through lindy hop dancing. Sheez. Its not a situation I would want to be in and Id never want to do it to someone else. It pays @Kidburla From France. I would go so far as to say that if you, man, think an employee, woman, likes you, to think deeply about how good your judgement in this area typically is before you ask her out in said low-key, low-pressure way. And this is an obvious double standard but I think its less of a big deal because the manager in question is male. Adult education class. A: After your date, maintain good posture by being respectful and honest with your words as well as your actions. In your case, if she declines, you must never mention it again and pretend like it never happened. How to ask a female cashier out - Quora It sounds like hes just good at being a retail employee. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? Also regarding not having much time because there's a lineup. I still think its creepy to approach the crush him/herself, when theyre obligated to be nice to you. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. I thought he was over 25ish, he though I was under 25ish. Book club. ", If she expresses interest in the activity as well, tell her more about it so she can attend: "Yeah, it's really fun. 3. The next time the store is slow and he rings you up when youre the only person in line have that piece of paper ready. As several others already have replied - it depends where you are and the (as yet) unknown chemistry between you and the cashier. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. Maybe you should stop by is perfect because simply not showing up is a lot easier than rejecting someone outright. It beats the risk of getting a What, am I not good/rich/tall/whatever enough for you, you bitch? response. was a customer that I wanted to hit on me! it's happened to me before, and the guy ended up being my bf for 2 yrs awww.. that was surely sweet. The point to all of that is, it is possible to hit on/ask a retail worker out without being creepy. Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. She flushed, returned the change, and caressed my hand in return. A woman, by her nature, is careful with whom she picks as her mate, biologically speaking, women carry a big responsibility for their off-spring. Basically, its not the question that is the problem but the power dynamics and concern for what might happen if you reject them given those power dynamics. You might get the label 'creep' and you might find that your shopping experience will drop dramatically. At restaurants this happened a lot and I was never offended and it was only slightly awkward for a moment and a simple I have a boyfriend always worked as a no whether I had one or not. Your a cashier right? Hmm I once gave my phone number to someone who worked the counter at a restaurant after seeing them there a few times. I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. I like some of the advice above with the whole, Im thinking of doing this, maybe you should come join if youre free, and bonus if its with a group. Is "I didn't think it was serious" usually a good defence against "duty to rescue"? Alisons advice on how to make it low-pressure is good. .. ask her name first. At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). Hi. I think you should go for it, but Im optimistic like that. Why did DOS-based Windows require HIMEM.SYS to boot? How to flirt with a cashier - GirlsAskGuys (Only bc in my case they were thankfully never true creepers). Any bashing, hateful attack Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. is it time to put my employee on a formal improvement plan? Or buy more items so you have more time to make small talk. I hope this helps. Dudes dont have to be horny to ask a girl out brodette. I was a good 10 years older than him AND he knew I was engaged because after the first incident I made sure to mention it. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. Or cheese fries because my friend bailed. Yeah, thats a sitcom episode waiting to happen. Please dont hit on retail employees. You could try asking them out if you happened to run into them outside of work, however, they know who you are so it still makes it awkward if you go back to where they work. I think the only thing saving me from flirting being a daily occurrence where I was assigned was that our typical customers were older, often married, women. Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. I dont regret it though. Um nope and nope. ask We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Oh sorry, I'm a little distracted, I'm trying to get in the zone. Is there any acceptable way to ask retail staff for a date? Please dont. I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. If you are standing in a queue and the cashier is chatting with the person in front, if you try to interrupt, you are considered to be either in a desperate rush (which would be highly irregular) or pretty rude. Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. I once had a crush on a guy who worked in retail. ?. To make things fun between both of you, suggest interesting date spots or events that neither of you may have experienced before such as an outdoor picnic or exploring an undiscovered corner of your city! Each party is still evaluating the other.). Plenty of wise advice already. How To Restart Mission Rdr2? And youre right. be honest, sincere and have your name and How to ask someone you see regularly out on a date, without making it awkward? Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. Again, only partake this if it genuinely is by chance. Ok so i met this girl online. He has been active in the world of showbusiness for, Press the Options/Menu button on your controller and select Quit Story Mission and then restart from the chapter selection screen. Poor, oblivious Husband. Id go even lower than your suggestion though, which still sounds like a clear request for a date. How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. And it's low-impact enough you can do something like it several times without any appearance of being creepy. It is best to be direct and honest when asking someone out. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. This is coming from a womans perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. Personally, Ive never really liked turning people down in any setting, probably because of my conditioning as a woman in this society, and it just gets weirder and more awkward when Im in customer service/dont upset the customer mode, even if that customer is normal and not some creepazoid that rings every alarm bell of every female on staff. Hopefully she will respond. You have no idea how she feels about it until you actually ask so the only way to find out is to flat our ask her. Ask yourself how well you actually know them. A boy can regenerate, so demons eat him for years. Just let them do their jobs. If she wants you to ask her out, she'll make clear signals that you won't have to post on the internet for help interpreting. Don't go forcing this or setting up though, because again that might just gain you the 'creep' label and might seem like you're stalking her however you do handle that encounter. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. If she does not react then forget it. Its normal. The key difference was that he had been coming into my bookstore for at least 6 months and chit-chatting with me about stuff, usually books but other things as well, before asking me out. I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. Is it too early to have sex? If nothing else, it might be a good way to screen for fellow AAM readers. We talk every day and meet a few times a week. Here's my number'. And it was always a minefield to navigate. Just be polite. That doesnt mean that you should never do it or that it never works out, but it does mean thatif youre going to do it, its key to approachit in a low-key way that makes it really, really easy for the personto say no. As a guy, I dont worry about the woman attacking me or anything but I do think about getting robbed by someone else hiding at her place. We go out in public with strangers all the time after all. At a bar, after church, at an event where you share a mutual interest, go for it! Its incredibly uncomfortable to be hit on by a customer who you cant say what you feel to, and theres a really uncomfortably dynamic. If you get declined, however rudely, don't go complaining. You rarely get a sense of whether someones interesting when theyre being polite or friendly due to the nature of their job. Seriously. Why is this even an issue. OP here. Agreed. Always be on your best behavior around them in the future. Find out something I took her for granted and now shes gone. We looked into each others' eyes for about two weeks. Thats a great idea. Thats a great approach. Ive seen this debated in a number of places around the net over the years. concert). I was looking for posts/comments I made and making sure I not did left some hanging, I agree dont do it. Bustle Women should never go to an unfamiliar mans private address. If I were single and shopping and met an individual Id like to ask out I would have. Back to the prerequisites of whimsy. I've never seen you before." So the power dynamic is not so different. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt here. Sure. Short story about swapping bodies as a job; the person who hires the main character misuses his body. ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. Established relationships longer than 6 months posts should go to r/relationship_advice Keep in mind, if you do date, you may have to limit your time at this store anyway. Its possible that he is burning with desire for you but would get in serious trouble if he asked you out on a date. Lets have coffee when you get off work seems to be the go-to line. They can't just go around giving in to anyone, they have to be picky. But its so much more likely that any given service worker is being nice to you because their continued employment and paycheck is dependent on being nice to you. Retail employees have to be nice to customers. With this knowledge in mind, she's common-senseley (making up words!) You never know! Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. Do this some times. How Old Is Al Haitham Genshin? It puts the ball in her court, but at the same time provides some asynchronous communication so that she doesn't have to react if she doesn't want to (which is why I said 'don't ask'). Im a male, nearly 30, and I have been going back and forth for weeks about somehow asking out this cashier at a grocery store I frequent. Studies show that men are not actually able, on average, to pick up on disinterest, if theyre interested in the person. I realize this situation is reversed, but when I was single if I was asked out at the center the answer was, Im sorry, thats not allowed. Also, you werent allowed to give out your contact information either. A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. Most notably, the fireman passed his number through those people to give to her, and left it up to her to contact him if she was interested. No real point to this expect to share that I have now been enlightened :). Consider a series of improving options. Another option you may consider is going through her manager. (sorry if posting links is not ok; its a Captain Awkward post entitled, Blanket Statement: Stop Hitting on the Waitress so you could google that. the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. So it didnt seem as creepy as when patrons would say you have a really beautiful smile. Which I do, but dont want to hear from a stranger. OMG yes. however, my friend (who works in retail) asked out a barista who she had a crush on. You can guess empowered is too, but there's a third: ability. People should use common sense caution. And each creep is going to make contact with every victim that he possibly can, perhaps more than once. What do you think a cool and respectful way to ask her out is? Inviting the person to a group thing seems way more comfortable than asking them on a date, in my opinion. Community choir or orchestra. Since the OP is the customer, if read it correctly, the OP should ask the question. We go on vacation together, we spend holidays and new years together and so on. There are probably a lot of gender dynamics at play too (Im a female, I asked out a male) if the roles were reversed it may feel more awkward. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. Yeah, I used to teach adults and I was asked out BY A STUDENT. Scan this QR code to download the app now. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page..
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