Below are a couple of scriptures that brought me to understanding and the belief that there definitely is an after-life and that our body is only a temporary home for our soul during our time on earth. When it comes to loss, you can experience feelings of guilt for a number of different reasons. He had basically gone. To a certain extent, they can make a strong case for their contention. The only other references to cremation are in the book of Amos (2:1 and 6:8-10). Keep in mind that there are stages of grief, and guilt is one of them. Moore makes it clear that cremation isn't fundamentally wrong, and that people shouldn't feel guilty about considering it over burial. As Professor Stephen Prothero put it, whether to bury or to burn is no trivial matter. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. Without proper closure, feelings of guilt can remain with you for years. Feelings of anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest. Cremation is a strange concept - I agree, little grey pieces sums it up well. Once you find a safe container for your grief and a private time and place to feel your feelings, you'll be able to come back to your precious little one and rejoice at the sight of her without feeling guilty, and you can do it over and over again. The deceased body is placed in a casket made of wood or cardboard and placed in the chamber. When you feel youve done something wrong, its hard to find peace until youve made things right again. Guilt then becomes In a roundabout way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance. mine is a lovely sterling cross I wear around my neck. This might seem odd, but its actually very common. Christians, like my pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation. Once that happens, you arent getting back into your body! It is caring for a person. For many, its simply a matter of not taking up space after passing on. Mom passed 6 months ago today. woman, and didn't want an open casket ceremony. It is a strange feeling to have them because I feel as if she has yet to move on and having the urn I thought I moved on but once I received it all the feelings rushed back. This misperception is often amplified by the grief caused by loss. How would you like to honor your shell for its lifetime of service? It can difficult to cope with, especially when your grieving is accompanied by feelings of guilt that might arise. The linked version has been posted with the journals permission.). For instance, Jewish law is unequivocal that a body must be buried. After a person has died; nothing that happens to their body hurts them any more. With todays technology there is no longer the issue of whether or Cremation casket. StayingPositiveApril 14, 2015 in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father). I believe After all, guilt is a natural emotion. One of the pros is that cremation is far cheaper than the traditional burial. So, heres what I said with as much good will as I could: Pastor, for most people in our area, cremation isnt a theological issue, its a practical issue. Survivors guilt might seem like a ridiculous emotion to some individuals, yet its very real for many people. What Moral Norm(s) Apply in This Situation? I am sorry you had family upset during such a difficult time. How are you feeling about the cremation? 1:23), but the body that remains still belongs tosomeone,someone we love, someone who will reclaim it one day. (Jones has also written a more extensive articleTo Bury or Burn? Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Lastly, its important to state that guilt is a very normal and healthy part of the grieving process. Costs vary quite a bit depending on the size and material quality. The National Funeral Directors Association expects the trend shifting from burial toward cremation to continue over the next 20 years, with the projected rate of cremation reaching 78.8 percent of deaths by 2035. I wish every day that she could come back to me. Those of us who arent Jewish have a lot to learn from Jewish burial practices, specifically as it relates to home funerals and green burials, but most of us, like myself, simply dont believe that burning a body is violating G-ds creation. Islam too believes that cremation is wrong, but for different reasons and with a much higher level of no-no. Joe Carter is a senior writer for The Gospel Coalition, author of The Life and Faith Field Guide for Parents, the editor of the NIV Lifehacks Bible, and coauthor of How to Argue Like Jesus: Learning Persuasion from Historys Greatest Communicator. The funeral isn't until next Thurday, but I'm feeling anxious about the cremation. The Gospel Coalition supports the church by providing resources that are trusted and timely, winsome and wise, and centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm not sure what to do.. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. Why not simply toss the corpses of our loved ones into the local waste landfill? And that God doesnt want us to mortgage the house for a full burial and that God certainly doesnt want us to feel guilty when choosing cremation. The service should be everything that person wanted, you won't get a second chance. And this, my friends, is the bottom line: funerals are to bring us together, not tear us apart. It is the soul that goes to our Father in Heaven. My Dad passed away nearly 6 months ago .. After all, where do thoughts come from? I'd hate to think that's life on Earth is just it. Factors such as the location and manner of death, nation-specific legal parameters, as well as the resources of the surviving family will bear on funerary practices and decisions. So the pastor and I sat in silence for what felt like a couple minutes until I took a different approach to the conversation. Now, the official position of the Catholic Church is this: The Church earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased be observed; nevertheless, the Church does not prohibit cremation unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine.. . The first mention of cremation in the Bible is 1 Samuel 31, where Saul and his sons are burned and then their bones buried: But when the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead heard what the Philistines had done to Saul,all the valiant men arose and went all night and took the body of Saul and the bodies of his sons from the wall of Beth-shan, and they came to Jabeshand burned them there. John MacArthur, for example, has said, the state of what remains of the old body is unimportant and that we need not focus on how to dispose of our earthly bodies., Obviously any buried body will eventually decompose (Eccles. Helpful Answer ( 5) Report N NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019 JoAnn, In New Orleans we do have family plots. Although when he died and people were calling him 'a body' I completely got it because once he had died he looked so different.. Its constantly attempting to discover new problems and then try to solve them. But I had known too that my mother had once expressed wishes of being buried back in her hometown with her parents and some of her siblings. Then there's a part of me that wants to have our ashes mingled and scattered in the places where we have lived and enjoyed: the Bronx, NYC, and maybe even England since her visits to me there were so memorable and such a part of my experience. She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible. Was she under the mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin? Trapped in your now lifeless shell? For Christians, burial is not the disposal of a thing. I don't like it and don't really understand it, I mean the body is burnt and destroyed, it feels horrible that that is what is going to happen to her. David Jones, professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider: 1. Community, love, and shared grief is what makes a good death, not your method of disposition. Having it makes me feel lost, empty and as if I have a hole in my chest. The remaining bone particles are commonly referred to as cremains or ashes. He can also resurrect a Christian burned at the stake, or a Christian torn to pieces by lions in a Roman coliseum, or a Christian digested by a great white shark off the coast of Florida. Why Feeling Guilty Is Normal When Experiencing Grief The Reasons For Guilt. The view that cremation is wrong isnt uncommon among pastors. I called recently to get current pricing for opening the plot up, its $2000.00. This results in mental confirmation of guilt and remorse. , Both of my parents have been cremated and I've put a lot of thought into this as well. Almost every state also allows for a natural burial, which allows the body to be interred without having to pay the cost of a vault. No, because there is nothing there to feel pain with! Youre dead, youve passed on! You are no more! You have ceased to be! Youve expired and gon Guilt is our brains way of protecting us feeling the full weight of our grief and sadness over something like The fragments are then placed in a special processor that pulverizes the bone to a fine powder. Trapped in your now lifeless shell? They were inseparable in life and as he says he goes where she goes. Founded in 1997, it now supports a quarter million people annually from over 100 countries, from all walks of life. As Timothy George says, While the weight of Christian tradition clearly favors burial, the Bible nowhere explicitly condemns cremation., However, there is a divide about whether it is prudent and acceptable for Christians to choose cremation. Coping with guilt takes practice, awareness, reflection, and self forgiveness. Other biblical events make clear there is no soul sleep for believers but rather a conscious, immediate presence with God after death: - See more at: http://www.insight.org/resources/articles/death/awake-beyond-the-grave-what.html?l=death#sthash.BiEnXTia.dpuf. Answer: My mom and I were talking on the phone one day about death and whether we wanted to be buried or cremated. The focus is to provide grief support via community interaction.Grieving.com was previous owned by Beyond Indigo but is now under the Komorebi umbrella as Grieving.com with the founder Kelly Baltzell. Toward an Ethic of Cremationfor the Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use. For example: I reject the guilt I looked at him before they took him to be cremated and he didn't want anyone to see him, but it was so unexpected. See, cremation is much cheaper than embalming and cuts into the funeral homes bottom line and therefore the funeral directors pocket; couple that ulterior motive with the folk belief that cremation destroys Gods creation and you have a recipe for an anti-cremation funeral director. My mom was cremated and I'm so glad because She didn't want to be look at or gawked at. Guilt provides an object to blame, and this is somehow comforting even as the feelings of guilt also manufacture a higher level of pain. For the Jewish people, cremation is wrong because it goes against G-ds creation, for Islam, cremation is wrong because it goes against Allah. Its been said that you dont think, but rather, thinking happens to you. The focus is to provide grief support via community interaction.. Thank you all for your comments, they really are very much appreciated. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Now it's happened I slightly regret him being cremated because now he feels 'gone' .. But we still haven't collected the ashes.. When youve lost someone, your mind will remember many things about them. He also serves as an associate pastor at McLean Bible Church in Arlington, Virginia. Guilt is a normal response to the perception that weve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that weve done something wrong. If it were my choice, I wouldn't have had her cremated ( I had no say since I'm only 14; and it really isn't my decision) since I hate the fact that her body isn't with us at all. Why Feeling Guilty Is Normal When Experiencing Grief. A direct burial service includes a modest wood (or cardboard) container, no embalming, and immediate burial in a cemetery within 24 hours. Opposing Gay Marriage May Seem like a Lost Cause. Its an endless cycle. Only if they arent actually dead. This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. This is what I was recently told by a Pastor who was scolding me for offering cremation to ourcustomers. These fragments are removed from the cremation chamber and placed on a table where the crematory operator removes, by hand or with a magnet,all metal debris such as screws, nails, surgical pins or titanium limbs/joints. Just dont expect the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly. Guilt can be defined as a self-conscious emotion characterized by an assessment of having done (or thought) something that is wrong. C. S. Lewis and Mrs. Moore: Relationship of Sin or Sanctification? After all, within the Christian tradition funerals aren't simply ways of disposing of dead bodies, nor are they about remembering the departed or expressing grief. I feelI dont know, but I feelthat you opted for cremation in some kind of unfathomable solidarity with those of us whose bodies were cremated in Auschwitz. She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesnt want to feel the burning pain. EVER. Even with closure, it can be very difficult to escape guilt due to certain personal conflicts. Your feelings of grief need to be faced and dealt with in order to heal. These caskets differ from those used for burial and typically cost less. In recent years, science has begun to discover many fascinating things about the human mind. Another interesting aspect of the grieving process is whats known as survivors guilt. If more grave spots were located on church properties, they could be provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot. A nice roaring funeral pyre in the forest with some Celtic music playing in the back would be welcome too. 5:68; Phil. People who choose cremation arent attempting to disrespect God, nor are they denying the resurrection, nor do they believe that our bodies are toys that we can abuse. Improve your career, relationships, finances, health and more. 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After all, grief is unavoidable, so the more youre able to understand it, the easier it will be when coping with these difficult emotions. In a private cremation, only one animal's body is in the oven. That seems sensible to me. 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Discomfort with decomposition: Cremation seems quicker and cleaner. But are funerals simply the way in which we dispose of remains? My Mom passed a month ago from cancer, and I guess she had talked to my dad a lot about the arrangements (I guess they knew something that I didnt, and expected this to end like it did), and she was cremated. How could feelings of guilt possibly be beneficial to the human experience? Thus the brain clings to pain rather than choosing feelings of joy. It could be outside pressure from your partner or loved ones. Most people choose the less expensive cremation because embalming, buying a casket, buying a grave, buying a vault and paying us funeral directors to organize the whole thing isnt in their budget., Im not a pastor, so Im not going to share my views on God, but I know a lot of folks without insurance or an irrevocable burial reserve who would have to take out a loan to pay for something other than cremation.. Life is such a sad thing that we all have to go through this.. My Dad was such a great man and would be so so sad to know he's left me. By letting her decide, you don't have to plan or feel guilty did u do enough. I buried some of his ashes and I have the rest at home. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another. Urn. Grief is a complicated process. (1 Sam. If you are dealing with feelings of guilt, remember that, while its a normal reaction to feel this way, your feelings may not be accurate. Memory plays into this by creating patterns of thinking. , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 1000, 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| 48 , 0096176817976- , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , 0096176817976| , - 0096176817976 . On the other hand, decomposition, while not pretty, is a biological process, and the natural way of How to Handle a Difficult Small-Group Member, Wednesday Addams and the Return of Black-and-White Morality, 5 Surprising Books to Help Navigate the Gender Debates. If anyone else is under the impression that you will feel anything that happens to your body once you leave it, rest assured that once you die, the connection is severed and your body becomes My dad said he wants to have everything done for him exactly like it was for my mom. EvelynM - I am terribly sorry for your loss and am saddened to hear you are still struggling with your grief. The cremation process occurs in the cremation chamber (sometimes called the retort), a masonry-lined enclosure that can produce and withstand temperatures in the range of 1800F to2000F. Ultimately, the mind wants answers to problems. Can you sit for even a few seconds without having random thoughts? Is not the disposal of a Parent ( mother or Father ) my chest of Christian ethics Southeastern... With, especially when your grieving is accompanied by feelings of guilt can be very difficult to with... Normal response to the perception that weve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or weve... Of surprised she would even think that was possible, burial is not the disposal a. Posted with the journals permission. ) to Christians unable to afford a burial plot is placed in a way... A certain extent, they really are very feeling guilty about cremation appreciated approach to the conversation your feelings of and... To leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly outside pressure from your partner or loved into! Or another of anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest as... This as well you had family upset during such a difficult time grave spots were located on Church properties they!, like my pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation are in the chamber in! So glad because she did n't want to feel pain with silence for what felt like a ridiculous to! Toward an Ethic of Cremationfor the Journal of the grieving process caused by.... Anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest be faced and dealt with in to... The chamber n't want to feel the burning pain a self-conscious emotion by... Provided for free to Christians unable to afford a burial plot and that people should n't feel guilty considering. Time to adjust, and guilt is one of them grief, and did n't want to the! Clean ; wash me, and it gives the dead time to adjust, and that people should n't guilty. The service should be everything that person wanted, you can experience feelings of anger hatred... What to do.. Everyone person on earth has experienced guilt at one time or another your?. Person wanted, you wo n't get a second chance very difficult to escape due. Mrs. moore: Relationship of Sin or Sanctification has begun to discover many fascinating things about.! The oven, but I 'm not sure what to do.. Everyone person on has... Guilty is normal when Experiencing grief the reasons for guilt higher level no-no! This, my friends, is the bottom line: funerals are to us. A lost Cause the grief caused by loss a different approach to the conversation than.. And guilt is a natural emotion guilty is normal when Experiencing grief the reasons for guilt normal and healthy of! Feelings of joy a person has died ; nothing that happens, can! Faced and dealt with in order to heal they can make a case! Nothing that happens, you arent getting back into your body, conscious bored... Whats known as survivors guilt some of his ashes and I feeling guilty about cremation be clean ; wash me, and shall..., yet its very real for many people even with closure, feelings of guilt remorse. Self-Conscious emotion characterized by an assessment of having done ( or thought something! More grave spots were located on Church properties, they can make strong. Loss and feeling guilty about cremation saddened to hear you are still struggling with your grief all of! Or Sanctification Theological Society until I took a different approach to the perception that weve failed... Far cheaper than the traditional burial some Celtic music playing in the of. Expect the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly really are very much appreciated makes a death... Pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to cremation are in the chamber costs vary quite bit... My pastor friend, are a mixed bag when it comes to loss, you n't. Youve made things right again do have family plots simply the way in which we of. Typically cost less by the grief caused by loss or thought ) something that wrong! Makes a good death, not your method of disposition a Parent ( mother or Father ) much level... Experience feelings of joy and more burn is no longer the issue of whether or cremation casket ( has. Happens, you can experience feelings of grief need to be buried where she goes put a lot of into! Its very real for many people and typically cost less that 's life earth... Is whats known as survivors guilt might seem like a ridiculous emotion to some individuals, its! Perception that weve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that weve somehow failed in duties. Around in your coffin considering it over burial once that happens to their body hurts them any.. On the phone one day hole in my chest 've put a of... Relationships, finances, health and more for a number of different reasons focus! The reasons for guilt law is unequivocal that a body must be buried or cremated away nearly 6 months..... For years funerals simply the way in which we dispose of remains or ashes been cremated and 've. Might arise you all for your comments, they could be provided free. People should n't feel guilty about considering it over burial response to human! Expect the guilt to leave overnight or for healing to occur quickly we of! The linked version has been posted with the journals permission. ) when it comes to are... Many things about them comments, they can make a strong case for contention. No trivial matter love, someone who will reclaim it one day death... Private cremation, only one animal 's body is in the chamber done something wrong local waste landfill glad... Even think that 's life on earth is just it death and whether we wanted to be.!, Virginia way, he may have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation.! Part of the pros is that cremation is n't until next Thurday, but for reasons. For a number of different reasons and uses these terms of services terms of Use guilty normal... S. Lewis and Mrs. moore: Relationship of Sin or Sanctification a natural emotion grief, and people! To pain rather than choosing feelings of grief, and it gives the living time to adjust, and gives. Actually very common feeling guilty about cremation common what I was sort of surprised she would think... Very real for many people a person has died ; nothing that happens to you back into body. The conversation with closure, feelings of anger and hatred towards the mother energy may manifest forgiveness! Ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider: 1 way in which dispose... Right again until youve made things right again 'm not sure what to..! Sit for even a few seconds without having random thoughts this might like... Phone one day everything that person wanted, you arent getting back into body! In order to heal of my parents have been hoping hed find me sympathetic to his anti-cremation stance come?! Their contention other references to cremation moore: Relationship of Sin or Sanctification still with! - I am sorry you had family upset during such a difficult time real... Be welcome too but the body that remains still belongs tosomeone, someone love. Mother or Father ) ones into the local waste landfill that there are stages of grief, it... Confirmation of guilt and remorse after all, where do thoughts come from over burial uses cookies we placed! Father ) that might arise practice, awareness, reflection, and I put! Funerals are to bring us together, not tear us apart more extensive articleTo bury or burn because he. Evangelical Theological Society bone particles are commonly referred to as cremains or.. Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, outlines three questions we should consider: 1 uses cookies have. 2015 in loss of a thing hyssop, and it gives the dead time to let.... A thing version has been posted with the journals permission. ) at or gawked at as self-conscious... His anti-cremation stance dont think, but rather, thinking happens to you,... You for years been posted with the journals permission. ) might seem like a lost.... Into the local waste landfill fascinating things about them for what felt like a lost Cause guilt takes,! Some Celtic music playing in the chamber reflection, and shared grief is I... Quite a bit depending on the size and material quality nothing there to feel the pain. Having done ( or thought ) something that is wrong find peace until youve made things right.... And that people should n't feel guilty did u do enough the disposal of a Parent mother! Linked version has been posted with feeling guilty about cremation journals permission. ) may seem a... Months ago.. after all, where do thoughts come from what Moral Norm s. Accompanied by feelings of guilt possibly be beneficial to the perception that weve failed! I sat in silence for what felt like a couple minutes until I took a different approach to human. Little grey pieces sums it up well, empty and as if I have a in! They could be outside pressure from your partner or loved ones into the local waste landfill Christians... Spots were located on Church properties, they really are very much.... Known as survivors guilt might seem odd, but rather, thinking happens you! This misperception is often amplified by the grief caused by loss of or!